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Abigail's avatar

I want to remember what it felt like to realize Jesus would still have died if I was the only one who needed a Savior.

I want to remember the stillness that settled on me when my mother brushed my hair.

I want to remember the wild whiteness of a world so filled with snow, we couldn't see the house.

I want to remember the adrenalin that licked like flames through my body when we careened down icy hills on sleds and toboggan.

I want to remember the safety and sleepiness of my father's voice when he read out loud to us each night before bed.

I want to remember the knife-edge of joy and uncertainty as I launched into adulthood with all the unknowns that only show their faces as you push through.

I want to remember our first kiss at the Romeo and Juliet ballet, how we forgot we hadn't kissed before and leaned for each other's lips as the curtain rose.

I want to remember the relief and sweetness so sharp it was almost grief when we held our newborn with his dark shock of hair.

I want to remember your mother's calm certainty as I trimmed her nails in that hospital room, and she told me that her race was finished, and she was ready to see Jesus' face.

I want to remember that today is unwritten, and we have a living Savior who walks our yard with us and watches our children and sits at our table.

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Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

“When I reach the end and look back on this life, I want to remember…”

…the sound of my mother praying with a cigarette in one hand and a spoon in the other, stirring beans while summoning saints.

The electric silence of a monastery at 4 a.m., when even the ghosts pause to listen.

The time I laughed so hard I nearly choked on communion wine because someone mispronounced “transubstantiation” as “transubstation.”

The way Rebecca looked at me like she saw through all my masks—and still stayed.

The cicadas screaming in the Texas dusk while I scribbled secrets in the margins of Psalms.

The first time I sat still long enough to notice I wasn’t broken—just breathing like a storm.

The scent of frankincense in an Orthodox liturgy and the distinct realization that I was allergic to holiness.

The wild freedom of riding downhill at Denton MTB trail, no helmet, just hubris and teenage glory.

The feel of Mary Magdalene’s name on my tongue, like honey and fire.

“And when I get to the end of my life, I want to…”

…slip out of this robe like it’s the last joke I tell.

Return to the Source barefoot and unapologetic.

Be greeted by saints who wink instead of bow.

And fall into the arms of the Mother who remembers me, even when I forgot myself.

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